Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Parenthood, Prayers and Post-It Notes - learning to be a disciple whilst raising young children

Young adults with no ties are the most mobile people in the world.


For example, one of my friends has recently left his job and rented accommodation and gone to live and work in Switzerland for 5 months with a winter holiday company. It was a brave move from him, but at no time in his life will this be easier than now.


I used to be the same. As someone who had the privilege to travel a little when I was younger, I visited South Africa aged 17, lived in West Africa for 5 months aged 18, visited friends in the USA aged 19, and travelled to Romania in a minibus when I was aged 20.


More locally, I could get a phone call from a friend inviting me to go somewhere, and never have to consult anyone. At a minute's notice, I could sign up for hours of prayer at a 24:7 prayer event. 
  
13 years later I'm married, have 2 children, 1 aged 2, the other aged 1. I don't really go out much, lacking time and money. And we certainly don't go abroad at the moment. My life is highly routine, fitting around 3 primary things - work, time with my wife and kids and local church life.


All these 3 things are incredibly precious to me, very important and it's right that I concentrate on them.


But one thing I couldn't really work out - and I'm only beginning to figure out - is how on earth to keep my own spiritual life alive and kicking when I have so little time, and frankly when I'm so tired. The easiest thing when I can rest from work and the kids is to watch TV then go to bed, scanning lazily over the Bible before giving up and going to sleep.


And being a new dad, how on earth can I partner with Liz to raise our kids in a way that encourages them to grow their own Christian faith?


One day recently I accidentally found an answer in the form of Post-It Notes.


I had led a short time of prayer at work where we had all written "Thank You" prayers on yellow Post It's, and "Please..." prayers on orange ones. Having shoved them all in my pocket at the end of the week, I  brought them home so that I could pray over them outside of work time as well.


And the next day (a Saturday), when I was trying to figure out what to do with my 2-year old son, I realised I still had the Post-It's in my pocket.


So I sat Sam up in his "big boys chair" and we sat together as I showed him the Post-It's and he asked me what they said. I talked him through the colour system, let him draw on all of them, and as I prayed a few of the prayers and thanks, he joined in a bit.


Don't get me wrong, this did not last for hours, and the angelic host did not turn up in our dining room.


But this was a revelation for me, a real breakthrough. Because my "quiet times", which as a single man had been so easy to have alone and focused, were now adjusting to include my son now that I'm a father.


And as well as saying "Grace" at the dinner table with us, Sam is starting to see other ways of praying, the need to say Thank You to God as well as Please, and - I hope - a genuine faith in his mum and dad.


And this morning, my first day off work for a while, I gave Liz a lie-in and got the children up, and after putting our youngest in bed for her morning nap, got to do the same basic thing. Sam mostly wanted to draw on my "Please" and "Thank You" paper. However, after a while I left him to read his own book, and started reading the Bible next to him.


Sam - who by the way has severe ezcema and has been scratching his wrists until they bleed recently - saw the book, asked what it was. I told him it was the Bible, and he bowed his head and said, 
"Thank You, Jesus for this lovely, lovely drawing [one he'd just drawn], and we pray... no more scratching... Amen"


My jaw was on the floor. 


I am sure this is no replacement for my alone time reading the Bible and praying. However I'm starting to learn how to be a disciple in less of a "lone-ranger", individualistic way.  And as so much of my time is either at work or with the family, I am just starting to learn how to bring my spirituality into raising kids in a way that they can begin to understand, and which doesn't involve stifling them or expecting more of them than is fair for their age.


If any blog-readers have other ideas about combining parenthood with "quiet times" etc, feel free to add comments under this post. I am very willing to hear other ideas.


Merry Christmas


Pete

Friday, 17 December 2010

Church, Flame-throwers and Carols in the Pub

The past week has been an eventful one, with every night interrupted by my teething children, the final week of community programme activities at work and lots of other things happening in church.


So last Sunday 3 of the 4 Lent Candles were lit by a small child with a lighter that's basically a mini-flame-thrower. Only in our church. Honestly it was very safe.


Then Wednesday came and we had the annual Carol Service in one of the local pubs instead of at our Hall. It went down a storm and the regulars asked us to come back. One of the women in the pub asked me a few questions about the Gospel and our church, and afterwards she said this, "It seems to me about your church that it's not just about meeting together on Sunday, it's a whole way of life".


What an amazing compliment, and an amazing challenge. Not only to sing to Jesus on a Sunday but also to live like Him on a Saturday night, and talk like Him on a Monday morning - at work, home or in the school.


And it's one thing to talk about this, another to actually practice it.


Footage of the Carols in the Railway Pub

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

When prayers are not answered like we want: Jesus and John the Baptist

Jesus and John the Baptist – Luke 7:15-23
Why read and learn from the story?
If you've ever had a prayer - not a selfish one for a Mercedes or a Lottery win but a good-sounding prayer - remain unanswered, then this is for you...


Background to the story
(1) Jesus, in his human incarnation, is the younger cousin of John the Baptist

(2) John was closer to the ascetic tradition than Jesus, and may have been one of the desert community of Jews known as Essenes

(3) At the start of Jesus’ ministry, John the Baptist declared that Jesus was the Messiah

(4) Jesus was baptised by John, and it is in this scene that we see (I think) the clearest picture of the Trinity in all of the Bible – the Son of God coming out of the water, the Spirit of God descending on Him like a dove, and the Father’s voice from Heaven saying, “This is My Son, in whom I am well pleased”. Interestingly, at this stage, even though the Father wanted Jesus to carry out his ministry, and to suffer and die before rising again, His approval and pleasure was spoken over Jesus before He even began his public ministry. This speaks something, I think, of what happens when we are justified by faith at conversion – the Father’s approval is spoken over us before we’ve even started to make the slightest change in lifestyle or speech.

(5) As John had already declared Jesus as the Son of God/Messiah, and as he had witnessed first-hand the miracle at His baptism, what John is about to say via his followers is somewhat shocking.

(6) During the early stages of Jesus’ ministry, John has challenged Herod for marrying the wife of his own brother. This has led to real bitterness from Herod’s wife, and she has asked for his arrest.

(7) At the start of the story, John is now under arrest, facing the possibility of his own execution. Messianic prophecies about Jesus have all pointed to him being a powerful and righteous king who will bring freedom to the captives and release from darkness to the prisoners (Isaiah 61 in particular). So that which is happening to John, the forerunner to Jesus, is the opposite of what the Messianic prophecies seem to promise.

(8) We pick up the story just 3 verses earlier than the classic break in passage, as it seems of real relevance to John’s reaction.




The Story itself - Luke 7:15-23
"15 The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother. 16 They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.” 17 This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country.
Jesus and John the Baptist

18 John’s disciples told him about all these things. Calling two of them, 19 he sent them to the Lord to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”

20 When the men came to Jesus, they said, “John the Baptist sent us to you to ask, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?’”

21 At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind. 22 So he replied to the messengers, “Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosyare cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. 23 Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.”




Explanation
Before we get to John’s reaction, it’s really helpful to think about what it would have felt like for John. His own cousin (Jesus), according to reports coming into the prison, is travelling the region healing people and teaching. He is even raising the dead, as seen in these last few verses. This smacks of more than just a prophet. This is up there with Elijah in its scale, maybe even more. But hearing all of this, John must have been wondering, “Why doesn’t Jesus come to see me? Why doesn’t He come and rescue me from prison? What about Isaiah 61? Wouldn’t it be appropriate for a miracle that gets me free, because (a) I’m related to Him,
(b) I’m the forerunner the Old Testament spoke about, and I’ve been preparing the way for Him
(c) I baptised Him
(d) I am in prison because God led me to challenge an immoral man (Herod) about his immoral marriage.


It would be easy to make a quick judgment on how fickle John the Baptist was. After all, John knew from the beginning of Jesus’ emergence what the 12 disciples largely failed to realise (with fleeting exceptions like Pete’s confession of Christ, undermined later by 3 denials) before Pentecost.
And John had been there at the baptism, seen the Trinitarian thing in full, and declared with his own mouth that Jesus was the Messiah.
And now here he is, in prison, doubting his earlier revelations. What a terrible thing to do, eh?

But if we are more honest, most of us may well have done the same thing. Knowing the promises connected to the coming Messiah, measuring those promises against our own experience, finding there to be an apparent difference between the promise and the reality... we would also probably have asked the question, “Are you the One... or should we expect someone else?”
If we are honest, we can do this kind of thing easily: we ask publicly – or at least wonder privately – why the promises of God don’t apply to our situation or that of those around us. We hold a view of our own needs/problems/lives that shows the inconsistencies in our faith, that maybe sometimes we do doubt Jesus’ power to change something or maybe doubt His kindness. Or if we don’t go that far, maybe we are just saying subconsciously, “Your promises, Jesus, should make my life easier/better/safer/richer”.

And we see in this story that Jesus does not go to visit John, does not set him free from prison, does not prevent his execution. Sometimes prayers and wishes are not answered with a Yes, or even a Wait. Sometimes the answer is No. Jesus often has other priorities and plans to ours.

Jesus’ response tells us plenty, starting with what he doesn’t say/do:-(1) Jesus doesn’t answer the question directly , i.e., doesn’t say “Yes” or “No” – this is frequently so elsewhere in the Gospels, and this pattern of reply also appears in his pre-incarnate appearance to Joshua as he stands in the shadow of Jericho’s walls (Question – “are you for us or for our enemies?” Answer – “No, but as commander of the army of the LORD, I have now come”, Joshua 5:13, NKJ). In my experience of prayer this is often the case. I often present a question to Jesus as I pray and He does not give me a Yes or a No. He often cuts right across my own agenda and thought pattern to say something that hits me sideways. Sometimes I want a specific answer and I get a general truth. Sometimes I want to bring an issue to Him and He gives me a different one. His ways are not our ways, and vice-versa. It really is true. For those who throw a quick skim-read over The Gospels, including this passage, they could be excused for assuming Jesus never really said He was the Messiah. There are plenty of people who believe that. But Jesus’ refusal to go round shouting “I’m the Messiah” is simply not enough evidence to say He didn’t think or know that He was. It just suggests that Jesus’ ideas and methods may have been very different from how we would have stage-managed his ministry, if we had been given the job of Jesus’ PR rep.
(2) Jesus doesn’t condemn John, and doesn’t even speak to him as firmly as when he tells Peter to get behind him Satan. But rather Jesus promises a blessing to those who show a better attitude than John.
What He does say gives us, I think, a greater understanding of where John had been coming from when he sent his men to ask this bizarre and doubting question:

“Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy[a]are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. 23Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me [New King James says “blessed is he who is not offended because of me”].”
(1) The first part of this is quite simple: basically, the fruit of my ministry includes healings, miracles and resurrections; who do you think I am, cousin? This paraphrase corresponds nicely with what Jesus asks Peter, just before his confession of Him as Messiah.(2) The second part of Jesus’ answer strikes at the underlying message behind John’s question. John is deeply hurt, not because it now sounds like Jesus is NOT the Messiah/Saviour, but because Jesus is not, so far, proving to be John’s physical Saviour. And John is offended (see NKJ translation) that his life doesn’t feature more prominently for Jesus than it does. John is facing a clash between (a) his earlier revelations of Jesus, (b) the reports that are coming back of all His miracles etc, (c) his own sufferings and personal experience.
There is a profound lesson here: our view of Jesus (how big He is, how just He is, how divine He is) cannot be defined by our own experience. Because sometimes we see prayers answered, sometimes we see Jesus’ favour, sometimes it’s all gravy... But at other times our experience is more painful than we had expected, having hoped for a bubble-like Christian life, even though Jesus never promised anything of the sort. And sometimes the road we must walk is more lonely and difficult than we had hoped for. And in case we hadn’t noticed, Jesus’ own life was marked by pain and suffering as well as victory and miracles. Paul’s was much the same, as was most of the early Church Fathers.

(3) But does this mean that we are not Jesus’ friends? Does this mean that we are not justified? Does this mean that a moment’s doubt will lose us our salvation? The answer is an emphatic "No". There is no denunciation of John – there or later in the Bible. Like with Thomas, there is no reason to doubt that John will be in Heaven with Jesus now (whereas the Gospel writers are very clear about Judas). There is only a promise of blessing on those whose faith doesn’t waver so much. And there is a lesson for us here: Jesus won’t get us out of jail free every time. Jesus will sometimes allow us to suffer, even when the purpose of this is unclear to us, when we can see no redemptive quality to our experience. And Jesus calls us to an unflinching faith in Him that, through the highs and lows of life, recognises He is Lord and can do whatever He wants with us.

(4) And as we share in the fellowship of Jesus’ own sufferings, we can, Philippians 3:10 tells us, also know the power of His resurrection. So even when all hope seems lost, like at Good Friday, there is a day or two of mourning... then Sunday comes. And so does Jesus, alive, kicking and in charge the whole time.

I grew up in the suburbs and moved to the 'hood: it's like every rapper's dream, only in reverse



I grew up in York. It’s smaller, richer, and a bit safer than some other Northern cities in England. Everyone who visits there seems to say the same: it’s quite nice.

Despite growing up in a nice neighbourhood, I went to a tough Secondary school, joined the football team and kept my head down, learning to talk with people from different backgrounds.

By the age of 14 I had experienced the power of the God in a way that changed me for ever. I was also baptised that year.

I became a missionary of sorts during that time. Not a great one, but my attitude turned outwards. I was no longer as concerned with fitting in. More than that, I wanted to share my faith with others. This passion led me on a few short-term mission trips to Northern Ireland, Johannesburg, then finally Togo in West Africa.

And when I moved to Leicester to do a media degree, for reasons of cheap housing, I moved into the Red Light District of the city, with a crack house opposite me and hookers at the end of my street.

It was an eye-opening time. I learned a lot about living in a community where I was the minority, and this time also showed me the sheer scale of challenge that faces anyone wanting to reach a whole neighbourhood with the good news of Jesus’ Gospel.

Flip forward a few years and in the year 2000, I moved with my wife Liz from Leicester to Manchester. In the East of the city, 2 miles from Man City’s ground, is Openshaw.

A once-thriving industrial neighbourhood, Openshaw went into real decline as factories moved abroad. Within no time the usual problems were setting in: petty crime, deteriorating physical environment, unemployment in families becoming quite normal…

In world terms, most of this is not “real” poverty. But Openshaw is in the “5% most deprived wards” in the country. I’ve lived here 10 years and made it my home. My wife and I have had 2 children and are raising them here, sharing life and faith with neighbours and so on.

People growing up in poverty often really want to get out of it, and for some, the only way is to leave the neighbourhood completely. That’s the rapper’s dream, the ghetto dream, the aspiration of many. But Jesus means more to me than my own personal safety or comfort. And so do the people in my new home, Openshaw.

And someone crossed a lot of boundaries to bring the Gospel from the Middle East to Europe, so really it’s no big deal for me to cross the Pennines to East Manchester.

Might you be willing to become an urban missionary?
Not just for a few weeks but for several years?
If your answer is “Yes”, please go to http://www.eden-network.org for more details.

Why blog and what about?

Blogging about what?
The blogs that will follow will, generally, cover 3 areas of my life
  1. Urban Mission - including youth and children's work, advocacy with adults and mentoring others.
  2. Family Life - the lessons, blessings and challenges of raising 2 children with my wife Elizabeth.
  3. Bible Studies - in my opinion a huge amount of wisdom for today's world can be gained from the Bible and I may put up a little practical theology as and when I get the chance.
Why Blog?
I'm hoping that as I get some thoughts down on a blog, it will help anyone else who is dealing with similar stuff, and also help me reflect more/better on my own experiences so that I can become a wiser, better person.